Greetings Trisk’l—
I know you said you were skipping it because you don’t care about hobbits, those furry-toed little burglars, and dwarves (I know, beards always weirded you out) and sleepy dragons and stuff but some day you may. I’m dead chuffed that we’re reading LoTR together this summer but while you’re already off adventuring with Frodo’s entourage… well, I’ll catch up; I start with The Hobbit first and Gandalf’s mark* upon Bilbo’s door for Thorin & Co. So, we’ll be along soon (almost there, I’m On The Doorstep tonight, Chapter XI) and when we catch up to your fellowship maybe we’ll catch you up on some things that the consulting elves in your party have known forever; & perhaps some things that Gandalf forgot or failed to tell you. He does that. Usually on purpose. For example, you should know that dwarves show up with their own musical instruments, always ready for song (except for when they’ve been stuffed into barrels for too long). And they clean up after themselves quite well. Terse with a hobbit at first, but polite. Like elves, they’re Good People and artisans and a tidy lot despite what may be caught in their beards. If you ever have to go underground or through a mountain, enlist or consort with dwarves. Good with hammers, generally good manners, good with swords. Need I say more?
No, I’m sure. But here are some trail notes you may have missed if you skipped The Hobbit:
&. Carry spare buttons in your kit. And a pocket-handkerchief. I’d recommend an epipen if you think spider bites might rile your allergies.
&. Trolling Some Trolls Till Sun-Up— Early on, just into the Wilderlands, the dwarves deployed their brave Mr. Baggins, made of Took stock mind you, to stealthily go burgle some trolls by their fire in the woods but things went south fast and the trolls snatched up the whole company for their hides, meat, bones, and guts. So when Thorin & Co. found themselves in their first real predicament Gandalf was out scouting the road ahead but returned just in time, as he does, and trolled the trolls until the sun peeked up and turned them to stone. Now, Gandalf’s got nothing on Medusa but he knows how to subtly conduct her power. —The thing is, Gandalf’s not with my troop right now, tonight under the Lonely Mountain, and so he could very well be with yours as I jot. He must be some kind of timelord or something, the way he makes time, by striding staff or by speedy steed or not. Many irons in many fires, that one.
&. Conductor…Maestro…Timelord…Sage…— Gandalf don’t like to let a sleeping dragon lie, else they may come back as a big bad Balrog one day and pull you right down into the churning Mid’1 Earth Itse1f… And this, says Ganda1f, shall not pass. Not on his watch. You may hear hobbit gossip that makes Gandalf out to be a most confusticating troublemaker; yet in spite of all the trouble he instigates the hobbits cannot resist him for his fireworks and his smoke rings. They’re legendary and they remind hobbits of good times and thoughtful times. Which of course can’t last forever or we’d have no big adventures out in the Wide World to live or to tell about. Thus Gandalf & his shady dealings. Instigator… Keep an eye on that grey wizard! He’s as much or more of a shapeshifter as Beorn. And Beorn knows many of the same languages as Gandalf. They converse. As a ranging skin-changer Beorn speaks with the wild and the free whence afar and a’wide. Beorn also likes a good, well-paced tale, especially if it brings news of the Misty Mountains. He’s waiting.
&. Don’t Take the Breadcrumbs.— Don’t pick up any white stones going into The Misty Mountains where the trail shatters into a field of rock slide and scree. I mean, you can pick them up and examine them and stuff but put them back where they were, where others searching with eyes like yours may spot them and find their way. Gandalf says that if you lose your way in the Misty Mountains you have to come back to the beginning, back to the foothills before the Wi1der1ands, and start all over again. I’ve been lost here a few times now, started over, and over, and starting again I dare say you don’t always find the same stones while trying to pick your way through again another time. I’m getting to know the Misty Mountains pretty we11; the dells, back-paths, dead-ends, forests, trees, where all the wild strawberries are and such. Everyone starts at a different place in the stars. Which means the stars above and below are always different, and it’s usually cloudy anyhow. Places without trees weird me out; through here we rely on the white stones among the rockslides to find the path. Like a jump, star to star…stone to stone…breadcrumbs…marks; I know you already know better as your class has been very well schooled in Stewardship As A Tenet, but there are some silly creatures out there with the gall to think everything they find belongs to them and they pocket them, or move them, with no regard for those who come after, or before for that matter; they’re becoming fewer and farther between, the markers.
&. There are Pines high above Rivendell and Beech Trees down in the valley.
&. I’m so glad you ordered a deluxe edition of The Fellowship for yourself and for your eyes and binned that mass-market paperback copy with the fine-print & the movie images on the cover. Don’t think of Legolas as a skater. He’s an archer first, an archer and bladesman among an ancient and proud people who’ve seen their king’s sword shatter. Legolas has more than a quiver on his shoulders and has got a lot going on ‘tween those pretty pointy ears & ‘twixt those braided locks of his. He brings more than magic arms to bear. — Hey, if you folks see that Tom Bombadil crumb before I do tell him he owes me forty bucks or forty harts and I’ll be along shortly to collect or he can choose to pay now as Legolas’ll collect on my behalf.
&. Pack at least six to seven fathoms of rope. Let’s just say seven so you have plenty of length to tie things on the ends.
&. Beware Un-Flashmobs & The Moveable Feasts of Mirkwood— The Wood Elves are also Good People but they can be quite tricksy and cruel when you try to crash one of their parties in the woods. And they take offense to everything if you’re not kin, so watch what you say, unless you’re kin of course… While in Mirkwood: Stay. On. The. Path. It’s that simple. Beorn said so. Gandalf said so. Stay on the path. The Wood Elves are territorial and demarcate the western edge of their lands in Mirkwood with an enchanted stream. For the love of Amani’s blueberry buckle don’t drink of, wade into, or swim in the stream! (But if you do, try to remember what you dreamt when you wake up. Carry a pencil.) I went swimming there once after a fortnight’s bout with insomnia. Sweet dreams. (Once I dreamt I was a… Oh, Dear, I mustn’t say here. We’ll talk sometime.)
Okay, there’s more of course. But that’s all for now. We’ve got to get up this Mountain to the side door. Don’t worry, Bilbo does all the dirty work. It’s time to slide so I’ll catch you up when we catch up. Until then,
On the Go,
P.&Co.
P.S. Hey, Just a moon or two ago I was talking to Perri and little Maizie who’s also reading LoTR now and she said she loves Saruman because she loves herself a good villain and he’s got a cool tower and the Ents assailed it because not only was Saruman a good villain, he was also a really shitty real estate developer. We should be caught up well before then. See you soon.
P.P.S. Bilbo says slip this scrap into your sheathe:
–Sting’s Strike————-Zap. She were on you like a flash and all your buttons scatter. On the floor they go clickety clack. Or was it your teeth? Time goes on without you where the buttons stop. There are stars. But your head still spins like a top inside a top, Attercrop. A fingertip placed on a taught strand listens for a ripple in the wind. When the trees stop, when the leaves stop giggling, you’re in. When the shade spells your names, start climbing.
*Some runes/\symbols aren’t even visible unless you have the right moon and/or sun overhead, or the right set of eyes for them. Of course much of the words you’re reading now cannot adequately provide description because someone we know changed the language they learned in the days when the whole wide world was wonderful and much more whole and wider than it is now (ref. p. 227). This is important to note as you read EVERYTHING. Try reading by a big, beautiful Moon some night, it may illuminate, broaden, or open something up. Don’t trust me on this, you can’t, just try it for yourself!